God, you alone are holy. I am at a loss for words when I am in your presence. I love being overwhelmed by this. It's so great that I fall to my knees and weep, sing for joy, laugh. I am drowning in You. And that is more than I could ask for. I ask that you would continue to give me this special treasure and keep renewing my heart everyday!
These past few days I have been giving up myself and everything in my life for and to God. I have been taking and consuming everything in my path for god. I rejected food for You. You are my nutrition. You are the sustainer of all life. I didn't realize how much I was starving my body from you until I starved myself from something that I need to keep me alive. (Maybe that makes no sense to you, reader, but god knows my heart and what I mean. Regardless, I have never been more satisfied.) YOU keep me alive.
Sure, I had a few "set backs", but it wasn't from temptation. I was merely unprepared for the total dependency on God. I started this with total confidence in MYSELF. I broke, crashed, burned, and then realized it's confidence in the lord that I needed. And that's what's so great! It didn't matter to God that I "failed". After I realized how I needed to go about doing this, it didn't matter - my failed attempt. I went on after god. I ended up giving him my all (spiritually) even when my physical body couldn't.
These last few days I have given myself wholly to God. I was holding back, holding on to things I didn't even want to remember. But He put me at my most vulnerable state and I gave up on trying this without Him fully in command. I repented, confessed, and rejoiced. I literally broke down and melted. My heart became workable clay in which God can now shape however He has always intended.
So, at the end of all this? This is not the end. It's a new beginning.
Can I share a secret? I don't ever want to stop fasting. So I won't. I love being in his presence too much. So I will continue to fast (in many different ways).
I'm going to continue to gulp this Holy water. Anyone else thirsty?
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