Getting Hungry

After three to four days of failed fasting, I succeeded.  But, Emily, how can you possibly succeed after failing? Well, let me explain.

So I initially started my fast on Sunday morning.  I was ready to go and pumped about it.  That entire day, I was successful in abstaining from food.  "No problem, God. I got this," was my thought.  Then dinner came along and I caved.  I compromised my fast just because I didn't want my parents to feel bad about cooking such a great meal and have me not eat.  Hm . . . Monday morning, oh boy did I fail. I nibbled on a strawberry, spitting it out after realizing that I was supposed to continue my fast.  Tuesday I was successful the entire day.  And I am proud to say that today I was successful until (obviously) I ended my fast.

So what did I get out of that?  How am I concluding that I succeeded after obviously failing in my attempts to deprive myself of food?  

Simple.  In my attempts to deprive myself of food and search for spiritual dependency, I noticed that I was leaning on my own confidence and strength thinking that I could handle an easy fast by myself when I should have had total dependence on Christ.  In other words, I had more worldly dependency than spiritual dependency. 

Silly me.  

I need(ed) to depend 100% on God and go to him when I felt hungry.  I did for a majority of the fast . . . but in those few times that I didn't, I compromised myself.  

And that makes me think: Am I going to compromise myself and what I believe when something real (outside of a fast) comes my way?  

Am I going to lean on my own understanding and be confident in my flesh when I should be leaning on the Holy Spirit's guidance?  

When I'm so hungry for (spiritual) nourishment, who or what am I going to dive after?  Is my first resort worldly nourishment or the only satisfying nourishment my body can get (that being God, the sustainer of life)?

See, in my vulnerability (hunger and wanting to taste something), I caved and went after food without first seeking the Father.  What does that make me think of myself?  Oo-wee, I need a spiritual bath and to stop being so confident in myself.  "I got this, God," is an attitude that doesn't reflect a heart totally relying upon Christ.  See, I don't always "got this".  I can't; I'm limited.  

For spiritual dependency, one needs to rely on the power of God, not the worldly "wisdom" of the world.  One should not rely on what they hear or see (even if it's your own words and "logical" train of thought as to how valid it is to eat that strawberry during your fast or not), but on God alone.

And it seems that when you get spiritual dependency- or perhaps actually depend on God- He reveals wisdom through the Holy Spirit.  And get this: it's free!  Oh, guess what!  There's more.  The Holy Spirit will also teach truth, reveal spiritual value vs. the values of the world, and help give you the mind of God.  Spiritual dependency directs your christian living.  When you just shut up and stop thinking so highly of yourself, you will develop a spiritual dependency on God and not on man.

Where are you getting this from, Emily? Oh you know . . . just the good ol' Word of God.  *cough* 1 Corinthians 2:1-16 *cough* 

Also, I just want to emphasize this verse, as it had a lot of impact on me:

". . . I relied on God's Spirit to demonstrate God's power.  If this were not so, your faith would be based on human wisdom and not the power of God." (My bible is "The Voice" version, and I happen to be a huge fan of it.)